


With Endings Come Things That Are New

by orphan_account



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: A mix of humor and angst and crack, And he spends a lot on razors too, Bilbo as a dwarf, Bilbo goes through dwarf puberty, Bilbo grieves for his lost foot hair, Bilbo is buying a lot of shaving cream, Bilbo keeps shaving, Bilbo shaves a lot in this fic, Bilbo the angsty tweenage dwarf, Fili and Kili being Fili and Kili, I have no idea how long this will be but it won't be short, I will be serious in parts of this and be super not serious in other parts, Just that once though, Like he shaves every 2 seconds, M/M, Ori tries to be all nice since he's going through the same thing, That one time Thorin and Thranduil got along, Thorin and Bofur just wanna get the D, What would Lobelia Sackville Baggins say if she saw him now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-07
Updated: 2013-04-07
Packaged: 2017-12-07 19:21:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/752096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo becomes a dwarf. While he is forced to adjust to this, Bofur and Thorin make their moves on him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	With Endings Come Things That Are New

It began with a small bit of light brown stubble, but it was enough to make Bilbo take one of Thorin’s finest knives (which had cut into orcs before) and cut it all off. Next it was watching his foot hair fall off, ending up in a pile on the floor. Then it was noticing that he was no longer as hungry as he used to be-he couldn’t actually imagine eating seven meals a day, let alone second breakfast. He was stronger too. He told himself that this must just be illness, but never had he heard of an illness in a hobbit like this. And besides that, he was perfectly healthy, even healthier than when he’d been in Bag End at the Shire before the journey. Illnesses are supposed to make the affected weaker, not stronger.

I must be imagining it, Bilbo thought, though he knew his feet were now smooth as stone. He constantly ran his hands over the top of his feet now, as if suddenly a whole new batch of curly light brown hair had shot up to replace his old hair. No new hair ever did appear. He thought maybe he needed to start eating more vegetables instead of the meat that the dwarves always ate, but even after getting veggies from Lake Town no foot hair arrived.

Eventually he decided to inquire to Oin about it. It was quite a long discussion with the old dwarf, and though Bilbo tried to remain patient knowing about his hearing, eventually he snapped and screamed at the old dwarf.

“You didn’t have to yell,” muttered the healer, who promptly examined him, even in places Bilbo preferred he not to. “Well,” Oin said when he had finally finished (Bilbo questioned how long Oin had looked at him, and it made him wonder about the severity of whatever condition he had), “I’d say you’re becoming a dwarf.”

“What?” Bilbo asked, wondering if there was a way to get Oin’s healing license taken. That was absolutely preposterous!

“I said,” Oin repeated, “that you’re becoming a dwarf.”

Bilbo threw his hands in the air. “How does a hobbit suddenly become a dwarf? I know I’ve spent quite a bit of time with you all, but that is impossible!” Bilbo stalked away, then found Thorin. He’d just finished his rounds and was about to work on looking over a trade agreement with the men of Lake Town when Bilbo pulled him away.

“This better be important, Bilbo,” Thorin said, putting his hands on his hips. “Erebor needs me!”

Bilbo began to recount everything that had happened to him, and ended it with, “And now Oin expects me to believe that I’m not a hobbit any longer!”

“Oin expects you to believe that because it’s true,” Thorin said.

“What? Is everyone here playing a joke on me? Haha, very funny! I get it, I get it! Bilbo looks like an idiot, everyone laugh!”

“No,” Thorin said. He gripped Bilbo’s shoulder, then pulled him away into a private room. The inside was made entirely of blank stone, no jewels glimmering. It was barely lit, almost completely empty, and smelled of dust. If someone told Bilbo that a ghost inhibited this room, he wouldn’t doubt it. “Remember when you lay dying on the battle field?”

Bilbo nodded. He couldn’t remember much besides a few unconnected images and pain, lots and lots of pain. Then he remembered swallowing a bitter liquid and his friends whispering for him to come back to them.

“That thing you made me drink,” he said.

“Yes, that was given to us by Thranduil.”

Bilbo raised an eyebrow. “So not only am I expected to believe that I am now a dwarf, but also that you made an agreement with Thranduil? What will you tell me next, that it’s raining tea? Do tell, because I’d love to go outside and witness that.”

Thorin grabbed Bilbo by the shoulders and brought his face up to his, making them only inches apart. “Shut up and listen to me, you idiot,” Thorin said. “I agreed to give Thranduil gold and the Arkenstone so that you could live. He said if you did survive that you’d suffer for the rest of your life, and I asked if there were any other alternatives. He said yes, but it would involve magic and changing you. I should just be glad he made you a dwarf and not an elf.”

Bilbo now knew why the Arkenstone was gone. He’d suspected it was because of what happened, not this.

“To think,” Thorin said. “The stupid thing that nearly got you, and almost all of us, killed saved your life. And the only cost for you was that you’d have to change races and grow a beard. Shame.” Sarcasm dripped off of his words, but in his eyes were pain.

“This isn’t a joke?”

“You idiotic Halfling, of course I would never joke about saving your life with Thranduil’s help!” Thorin’s voice nearly broke Bilbo’s eardrums. And then he chuckled. “I’m sorry for calling you ‘halfling’, as I can’t say you are one any longer. I’m sorry about this, but Thranduil explained that if you were a dwarf you’d be stronger, and this would only wound you.”

“You make it sound as though dwarves are indestructible. I’ve seen you all wounded and near death before. It’s a miracle of Eru Iluvatar that you still live now, and part of it is my sake.”

“Yes, I nearly died, but of the two of us you were the more likely to fall. I had to prevent your death.” He frowned. “I’m sorry, but it was the only way. And the idea at the time seemed fine. I promise that it won’t be that bad.”

Bilbo took a moment to think over everything that Thorin had said. He certainly was glad to be alive, and shaving couldn’t really be that bad. He would miss his beautiful foot hair, but it wasn’t as though he suffered a great loss. Besides, being a dwarf didn’t mean he still couldn’t read or drink tea (and right now he really needed a cup of it to help clear his head). After thinking everything over, he did what any respectable Baggins would do. “Thorin Oakenshield, you better go buy me a proper fucking razor this instant so I won’t have to use any of your icky knives still covered with dried orc blood again! Looking back, I can't believe I let that nasty thing anywhere near my face!”


End file.
